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|-
! style="font-size:160%; text-align:left;" | Welcome to '''eipWiki'''
| style="text-align:right;" | {{CURRENTDAY}} {{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}
|}

{{ambox
 | type  = content
 | text  = This main page '''Sucked my Dick'''. If you know how to make it suck less, be bold and fix it. If you make it worse, that’s also content.
}}

== About ==
This is a small, deeply serious encyclopedia. It uses [[wp:MediaWiki]] because we like pretending we’re professional while writing about things like [[11:34 a.m.|the least important minute of the day]].

* To create a page, do not, because you can't.  
* To link to Wikipedia, use interwiki shorthand like &lt;nowiki&gt;[[wp:penis]]&lt;/nowiki&gt;.  
* To stay safe from spambots, we make you answer questions that a calculator could solve but a bot apparently cannot.

== Featured article ==
'''[[11:34 a.m.]]''' is a time of day with no particular importance, which has not stopped us from documenting it at length. It is 34 minutes after [[wp:11:00 a.m.]] and 26 minutes before [[wp:12:00 p.m.]], meaning it is technically closer to noon by four minutes, which is the sort of fact that feels smart while accomplishing nothing. Cultural lore credits 11:34 a.m. as prime time for unfortunate digestive events and, depending on how you read certain wall art in [[wp:Pompeii|Pompeii]], for enthusiastic acts of sucking dick.  
''See also'': [[wp:Time]], [[wp:Calculator spelling]], [[wp:Chronobiology|chronobiology that is absolutely not peer reviewed]].

== In the news ==
* Someone edited a page correctly on the first try. Sources are divided on whether this is a miracle.  
* A piece of software worked after clearing cookies. Historians will debate the implications for centuries.  
* The sysadmin set `$wgServer` to HTTPS and the site stopped gaslighting everyone. Progress.
* Interwiki prefixes are now correctly hidden. By force. Deadly, overbearing force. Tremble, little letters.

== Did you know… ==
* …that “1134” upside down spells “hEll,” which is both a calculator trick and a review of our editorial process.  
* …that [[wp:HTTP|HTTP]] status &lt;span style="white-space:nowrap;"&gt;418 I’m a teapot&lt;/span&gt; is legally binding if you believe hard enough.  
* …that you can write [[Special:Random|a better article than this one]] right now, statistically speaking.  
* …that if your edit triggers the captcha three times in a row, the captcha starts judging you.

== How to contribute ==
# Read the [[Help:Editing|help page]] just long enough to pretend you did.  
# Click “Edit source.” Make changes. Type a summary that is not “fix stuff.”  
# Save. If you see an error box, refresh. If you still see it, swear quietly and read the log like an adult.  
# If your new page is garbage, that’s fine. Garbage is compostable. Knowledge grows in compost.

== Policies no one reads ==
* [[Project:Consensus]] — yell in polite tones until something ship-shaped emerges.  
* [[Project:]()]()*</text>
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